I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
