oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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