It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
