i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize