I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
