My first STD was from a foam party
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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