I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
