i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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