as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
