Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
