i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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