Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
