The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
