i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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