ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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