3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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