I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
