Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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