I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
