R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
