My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
