we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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