also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
