everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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