Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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