maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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