I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
