She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
