she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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