Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
