he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just want nice things and good sex
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
