He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
