about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
