She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
