I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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