I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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