either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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