I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize