So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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