She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
