Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize