I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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