i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
