forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize