Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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