The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
