Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
