Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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