apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
