okay pat passed out under dana's car
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
