if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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