Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
