I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
