can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
