Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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