it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
