before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
