so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
did i walk over a car last night?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
