I'm going to jail i love you
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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