no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm just crazy horny about you
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
