oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
