He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
