Are we in a gay sports bar?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
