i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
