we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
