I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
