Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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